O Captian! My Captain!
by Alexis Shepard
Summary: The Crucible worked and the Reapers are defeated. But the Savior of the Citadel is nowhere to be found. The Normandy crew embark on a mission to find their missing commander, with one Lieutenant Commander hoping the woman she loves is fine. One-shot. FemShepxAshley.


**AN: This was inspired while I was reading a poetry book I found sitting on my shelf. I had read _O Captain! My Captain!_ before, but reading it again gave me this idea. I'm sorry for any feels. I regret nothing. **

**Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and all that fun stuff I have to say so I won't get sued. Also, the poem is by Walt Whitman. Please enjoy.**

* * *

 _O Captain! My Captain! Our fearful trip is done;  
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is  
won;  
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,  
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and  
daring:_

The Normandy landed at the last sight where Commander Shepard was seen. The last place where Ashley Williams had seen those powerful, dark eyes that commanded, seduced, loved. The place that brought her the most pain not because she was physically injured, but because it might have been the last time the lieutenant ever heard that soft voice she adored.

" _I love you, Ashley."_

Those words, that last kiss. No, it wasn't the last. Shepard had to still be out there. But that kiss… It had been so powerful, so overwhelming. Tears had flown as she felt every ounce of Shepard's love drip into her lips, sliding deep into her soul. A piece of Shepard lingered on her lips, a piece reserved only for her. Only ever for Ashley.

She should've stayed with Shepard. She should have pushed through the pain of her wounds and gone up the beam with her. She could've protected Shepard if—no. Nothing happened to Shepard. She's fine. She's probably on her way down.

The others searched amongst the rubble. Dr. Chakwas, Tali, even Joker. He was probably trying to get his mind off the fact he nearly lost EDI when the wave of crimson light washed through the Normandy. Her robotic body fell to the ground suddenly, circuitry sparking. Joker nearly crashed the Normandy as he reached for her. Garrus was luckily nearby and managed to calm Joker down before EDI rebooted after a couple of minutes, all her functions otherwise intact.

Ashley prayed that Shepard was alright. That she could maybe just have a little scare like Joker did but finding Shepard in one piece. Alive. She tried calling through Shepard's comm, but only static came through.

"Come on, Shepard. Answer. I need you to tell me where you are. I need you here."

She sighed, looking up at the smoky sky. Reapers were still falling through orbit, mimicking shooting stars through some of the clouds of smoke and ash. She repressed the urge to wish upon them, knowing It was just a ship or a reaper. So many lives lost. She can't afford to lose another one.

Ashley began walking in earnest toward the beam, moving pieces of fallen buildings and destroyed vehicles in her way. She called out for Shepard, hoping after every call to receive an answer. Anxiety rushed through her. She needed to find Shepard. She had to find Shepard _alive._ She had—

A gasp.

Ashley realized it came from her earpiece. "Shepard?" Silence. "Shepard, is that you?"

Another ragged gasp escaped the disembodied voice coming from her comm. "A-Ash…"

Ashley's heart sped. "Shepard, where are you? Are you hurt?" She began running in different directions, looking under the rubble. "Do you know where you are?"

"I… I don't think…"

"No. You're going to make it. Please, just try to stay with me. Please."

"Damn," Shepard coughed, "I really… wanted a life… after this…"

"Jane, don't. Don't you dare do this to me now. Describe where you are, please!"

A weak laugh escaped the commander. "Always… a fighter. I… I really do love you."

Tears began to fill Ashley's eyes. _Damn you, Jane._ "Jane, tell me where you are. If you love me, don't you dare die on me. That's an order," she choked out.

Grunts replied on Ashley's earpiece. "There's a reaper… Harbinger… It fell on a… a building..." A small moment passed. "And on me."

To the left of the beam, a large reaper laid on the ground, its head atop some rubble from a building that stood before the Normandy left Shepard behind for the final charge to the beam. It was Harbinger.

"God. I'll get you out of there, Jane. Just stay with me."

"Shouldn't… you be at… med bay?"

"You can borrow my bed when we get back to the Normandy."

Silence.

"Shepard?"

Ashley could hear far away cheers coming from her comm. Near the rubble, some men and women cheered as they watched a reaper land somewhere on the ground, its once red eye now nothing but darkness with scattered sparks of burnt wires hanging out.

 _O Captain! My Captain! Rise up and hear the bells;  
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;  
For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths—for you the shores  
a-crowding;  
for you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces  
turning:_

They were close enough that Ashley could yell at them for help. "Hey! Over here!"

The group of five—all human—ran over to her, asking what was wrong.

"Commander Shepard is somewhere under this rubble. Help me lift some up."

The name Commander Shepard quickly moved them into action, lifting some of the heavier pieces of rubble with the help of biotics. Ashley kept listening to her comm, hearing only the ragged breaths Shepard gave.

"Ash…"

"I'm close to you, Jane. I'm close."

"I'm sorry… I didn't want it to… to end like this."

"It's not going to, Jane. I'm so close to finding you. So just stay with me and—"

One of the men yelled at Ashley. "Lieutenant! I think I found her!"

Ashley ran to him. She looked down where he was pointing at.

 _But O heart! Heart! Heart!  
O the bleeding drops of red,  
Where on the deck my Captain lies  
Fallen cold and dead._

An arm poked out, bruised and bloodied and broken. Unmoving. Ashley gasped, running down into the hole caused by the building's fall. She yelled for the biotic to pull away the rubble. Shepard lied in a puddle of crimson, the piece now removed from atop her. Ashley placed her arm under Shepard's head lifting it as gently as possible. With her free hand, she radioed Chakwas with her position.

"Shepard," Ashley whispered.

A cough tore through Shepard's crushed lungs, and a sore voice escaped her chapped lips. "Hey… You found me…"

"Told you I would." A tear slid down Ashley's cheek, only to be wiped away by Shepard's weak arm.

"Hey… Don't cry. You found me… Even if—" another cough—this one with blood—escaped her, "—if I won't make it."

"Don't say that, Jane. Dr. Chakwas is on her way. She's going to get you all fixed up, just like the other times you've gotten bruised up."

"No… I… I can't anymore… I can feel it…"

"I lost you once, Jane. Please, I can only attend one funeral of yours, damn it."

"But at least you're with me this time… Unlike before… I have your warmth… It's… It's a nice way to go…"

The tears fell down in earnest, sobs being ripped from Ashley. "No, Jane. Please. Please don't leave me."

"I meant what I said earlier… I wanted a life… No more fighting… No Alliance…"

The lieutenant wiped away her tears roughly, clearing her throat. "We'll have it, Jane. We'll have it, just stay with me, okay? You're not allowed to die again."

 _Here Captain! Dear Father!  
This arm beneath your head;  
It is some dream that on the deck  
You've fallen cold and dead._

"I love you, Ashley Williams. So… much. You… you were my fuel… My energy to win this war… I won this for you…"

"I'm supposed to be the romantic, poetic idiot, not you, Jane." Ashley joked between the tears, eliciting a small laugh from Shepard.

"Right, right… sorry… I meant it, though… I love you. Don't… don't miss me, yeah?"

"I love you too, Jane. God, I love you so much. And I won't miss you because I'm not letting you leave—Damn it, where the hell is Chakwas?"

"Make sure… Joker doesn't break… the Normandy… and… and also—"

"No, no, no. You'll be fine." Ashley pointed at one of the men. "You! Go find the Normandy and tell them to double time it. Now!"

"You'll be a… a great Spectre… So bossy… I love…" Shepard drew out a long breath and went silent.

"Shepard? Jane? Jane, no! Wake up, please. Don't—don't do this to me. Not again!"

 _My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;  
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse or will;  
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and  
done;  
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won:_

Sob after sob escaped Ashley. She shook Shepard, trying to wake her up. Ashley wanted to yell, to scream, to tear through Shepard's skin and mend every broken bone and start her heart once more. Hear that cheerful voice crack a stupid joke about how Ashley's poetry was so damn cheesy but she loved it anyway. Ashley needed to feel those warm, calloused hands wrap around her own and walk down to the Normandy where Chakwas would force the both of them to sit their asses down and get patched up before heading headfirst into another battle.

She needed to feel Shepard's warm breath ghost at her neck as she pulled the quietest of gasps and loudest of groans as they explored each other in Shepard's cabin. Ashley needed Shepard back.

She wanted the distant cheers of people to stop. She wanted the entire galaxy to stop and see that the woman that saved them—the love her life—had sacrificed everything for them. She wanted to be selfish and wanted to ask someone's life in exchange for the woman that lain down her life for the galaxy.

 _Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!  
But I, with mournful tread,  
Walk the deck my Captain lies,  
Fallen cold and dead.  
_


End file.
